Confession Time On Trying To Cope & Desperately Needing God

Confession time. I am struggling under a burden recently I’ve been attempting to carry pretty much alone. I mean, I’ve been praying – yes, but I’ve also kept my eyes more on the circumstance than on God. And that is not faith.

And He, regardless, has been faith-full to put article & video or post after post or text after email in front of me to encourage me through it. Or devotion after devotion like the one below. Shining Light on this very dark & scary path that am admittedly tired of walking & crawling & only by His Grace I go. I know I would never, ever find my way down it without Him.

So yes, my faith waxes & wanes. I’m very, very human. It’s not an excuse- just my truth. And I don’t always cope in the prettiest, neatest of ways. Nope. And I also have absolutely NO clue how some people make it through life’s hellish trials not believing in God.

Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, shopping – these things may do for a time but it’s like trying to fill up a bottomless well with water. Insane futility. Reducing us to nothing as we frantically grab at anything & anyone around us to make it all better somehow. Things & people were never meant to fill the void. That’s why they never do. Preaching to myself.

Lord, I ask you to please forgive me for not leaning more on You. Thank You so much for being so generous with me in spite of my lack, encouraging me to continue to believe – to hope – to keep getting up. To stand in the gap for one I love so much. To fight because I know You are warring alongside me with Your angels keeping charge. You are so wonderful & awesome & mighty & You blow my finite mind constantly. And even when I think I can’t feel You anymore You show up & sweep me off my feet anyway. Unconditionally. My Knight, My Father, My Friend, My Deliverer & Defender in Shining Armor. You never let me wander too far. Oh God I am so grateful. I have every reason to praise & thank You & no reason at all to ever doubt You. Lord I do believe, help my unbelief.

In Jesus’ beautiful name,


Much love y’all,

Bonnie ❤️

“How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you. In the shelter of your presence you hide them from all human intrigues; you keep them safe in your dwelling from accusing tongues.”- Psalm 31:19-20< strong>I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”- John 16:33< em>Devotion – Jesus Calling, Sarah Young < em>

2 thoughts on “Confession Time On Trying To Cope & Desperately Needing God

  1. Hi Bonnie, happy new year. I seem to be constantly going though struggles myself and like you it’s only the Lord who help me though it all. My prayers are with you, wish I could come and give you a hug.

    Liked by 1 person

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