When we are locked out of something, no matter how badly we might want to get inside – there’s nothing we can do to change that without causing some damage.
But to be locked in something – well now that’s a hell all its own.
For most of my life I was locked inside fear. Insecurities.
The lowest of self-esteem.
Locked inside the long-held & deep-seated belief that I was never enough. While at the same time believing the lie that if I gave enough of myself to someone then maybe, just maybe I would be.
And it never worked out that way.
Then the craziest, most mind-bending thing occurred- when it seemed like all was lost. When it seemed like the fruition of years of blood, sweat & tears had finally come to a head & cruelly, disastrously disintegrated- right in front of me –
I found Love.
Well, in all actuality – Love found me.
It found me at the dark bottom of one of my most broken states ever – facing the misery of failure after failure – having lost a marriage & almost losing my son. And all of the fears & insecurities were drowning me – down, down, down I would spiral. Life didn’t make sense. And then it did. And didn’t again. Sometimes I felt a little crazy.
Sometimes I still do.
And then I was rescued. A holy key turned in the door from the other side & slowly opened a whole new world up & out to me.
One where I begin to understand Grace & Mercy & that Love –
Oh. My. God. – Your Love.
And a miracle happened – I started to believe that I was enough. That my worth was priceless & not of myself.
That I was accepted & seen & held. Just as I am. And free.
How foolish that all of this was born out of such loss & the years & trials of griefs that cannot be uttered properly.
Hallelujah Lord. Please help us to cry out to You from our locked closets & rooms. And fortresses we’ve erected in the name of self-protection. God may we want our freedom worse than we want to stay in the darkness where it feels so safe & comfortable. Help us to see the lies in what we’ve believed to be our truths. And to unlearn what we think we know in glorious exchange & surrender to what You say about us.
In Jesus’ mighty & wonderful name,
Much love y’all ~ join me in more & more freedom – it awaits us all,