I have a close friend who is facing a situation that does not feel good – at all. And it’s very very difficult not to take it inward in a negative way. I believe we all struggle with not allowing the actions of someone else to dictate how we see ourselves.
For most of my life I’ve personally had a deep need to be accepted, to feel loved & secure. In a healthy way it is certainly human & understandable but it can also get very sticky when it takes over.
In the past I’ve gone to great lengths to try to make people accept me, to love me. Those lengths usually meant my compromising myself or my well-being in some way- losing myself & my convictions in hopes that I could morph into whoever that person wanted me to be- allowing things in that were unhealthy for me etc. I have gotten free of a lot of that, thank God- but it still lingers sometimes. Dirty old reminders that come a’knocking. And usually when I’m vulnerable. Go figure. We do have an enemy y’all.
Being that rat on a wheel in different circumstances is unbelievably exhausting- not to mention it has robbed me so many times of that precious peace we all love to feel. It could be a person may pull away from me that I was close to, or maybe even just an acquaintance & they drop me as a friend on FB with no explanation- & I mentally clamored – wondering what I can do to make them accept me again. Sounds trivial and ridiculous to some- but don’t we all have struggles where others may not?
Stay with me.
I realize yet again in this very moment- people, at some point or another, are going to reject, misunderstand or criticize me, no matter what I do. Period. We have all been on both sides of it. Neither side is pretty. We have all fallen short.
The solution: I keep reminding myself I am already loved & accepted, not condemned – & when change needs to come about (or not) within me for my betterment I need not always look around or listen to others for my answer. I am very thankful for every soul who has spoken into my life in love, with good intention- and even those who meant to harm. It has all been a teacher for me- one that I need to keep growing.
But the highest & very best place for me personally to go is within- where God – Love Himself – lives. I am for-sure guilty of not always going that route, due to my own dogged stubborn independence. (cough). But thankfully, that is where I look most often these days.
I am never hurt, rejected or disappointed there. I only ever find Peace- again.
It is truly & beyond any shadow of doubt the One well that never, ever runs dry.
Much love y’all,
(image courtesy of ministry-to-children.com)