Regrets, Memories & The Re-Birth Of Me

I was watching another inspirational movie on Netflix last night – this one was called “What If”. I thought it was good. Synopsis ~

“What If… tells the story of Ben Walker (Kevin Sorbo), who fifteen years ago left his college sweetheart Wendy (Kristy Swanson), and his calling to be a preacher, in order to pursue a business opportunity. Now with a high-paying executive gig, a trophy fiancé, and a new Mercedes, he hasn’t considered a family nor felt the need to set foot in a church in fifteen years.

But God has other plans. While on a thrill ride outside the city, his new car mysteriously breaks down, and he’s visited by a tow truck driver named Mike (John Ratzenberger) who claims to be an angel sent to show Ben what his life would look like had he followed his true calling. Suddenly Ben wakes up in the middle of domestic chaos as his “wife” Wendy and daughters (including Disney Channel’s Debby Ryan) are getting ready for church, where Ben is the new pastor.

Before he can get back to his old life, Ben must first embrace this reality and discover the value of faith and family, and perhaps restore his love for those who were heartbroken fifteen years ago: Wendy…and God. In the tradition of “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “The Family Man,” What If… is a story of finding your true purpose in life.”
There was a scene in it where Ben is holding up his new baby daughter, overcome with joy. I flashed back almost 24 years ago (my son’s birthday is tomorrow) to when Robbie was that small. And I wept. Immediately. Like someone turned on a faucet. I was overwhelmed with how time had flown. How I could remember him as a baby like it was yesterday. I was overwhelmed with regrets over quality time I could have spent with him & didn’t. Because life was hard & I let it rob me of the things that really mattered. I wish I had gone to see him ride that motorcycle around & around those tracks every single time he got on one. I wish I had gone fishing with him more. I wish. I wish…

Regret is one of the hardest things ever in this wide world to live with. The sorrow that comes with it drowns me sometimes. I don’t know that I will ever be fully free of it this side of heaven.

Thank you God that my son is alive & well.
Thank you God from my heart & soul’s depths for 2nd, 3rd, 4th & 50th chances.
I don’t deserve any of them but I am so, so grateful You gift them to me & those I love. Your Great Grace slays me. So I can live again. And again.
The last few weeks I feel like I have been re-born. I don’t know exactly what You are doing in me or where You are taking me, but I know it is good. Because You are. I feel like I have been turned absolutely inside-out. With all my ugly exposed along with the wonder of how You made me. I feel Your love in the quiet hum of the evening & I feel Your love right now as I write, pouring out my insides. I pray this prayer lights a fire in someone who is empty, broken, discouraged & in despair. I pray that spark will ignite a new day of hope for them. I pray their faith catches fire, again. Bring them back to their first Love, Lord. Like You are doing with me. Thank You Jesus for Your sacrifice. Thank You that it was, is & always will be enough.
As we quake & crumble under loneliness or loss & grief may we remember You are but a breath away. There is great power in just whispering Your name. We praise You & lift You high Lord.

In Jesus’ precious, wonderful, beautiful name,


(image courtesy of


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