An Unexpected Messy Retraction 

When we are trying to protect ourselves from pain we tend to put things in a box. And it feels right. It feels justified. But God does not live in one – so why do we? We all hurt & at some point in our lives we create defense mechanisms to protect ourselves. But what if things aren’t always black-and-white? What if life is sometimes meant to live in the gray?
Why are we so willing to receive grace in our own life but so unwilling to give it as generously into the lives of other people- especially those that we love? So great a risk- is it not?

What if – & stay with me here – when we are peering into a situation and it’s so big, so looming,  so wrong & tragic – what if it was really a tiny thing? An on-purpose thing. A simple thing to render back to the Sweet Place. A thing God can see from His perspective. A thing He could fix with a simple “yes” from us in cooperation. He wants to give us that same perspective. His is always best. Why are we so stubborn? It’s pain. Plain & simple. No-one likes it. It’s awful after all.

What if the keys that we try to jam & force into the lock that won’t ever turn really just need to be handled differently- taking a breath and counting to 3- & try, try, try- again. In turn unlocking the door so easily. All along we had it within us. We really did. Life blinded us. It only requires our patience. And most of all- our trust in Him. Not pressuring each other with the burdens that we were never meant to carry. Burdens we can’t possibly carry anyway.

A good friend told me that we only have this moment. We stay so wrapped up in the past or our own made-up ideas & fears of the future that we forget to live and be appreciative of the moment that we are in.

Don’t lose sight of the wonder of the real moments that we experience. Don’t dumb them down as though they weren’t. Don’t lose sight of the love that we feel, that we felt. Don’t lose sight of The Living God that we serve. And stay open to whatever it is that He wants to do in us as individuals.

What if our story has just begun – when we thought all hope was gone & life’s meaning began to slip away? Perspective – His – is EVERYTHING.

It’s not about us fixing someone else – it’s about allowing Him to fix us first. And then to spread that love to others. Paying it forward. To help them on their journey, finding their way. To give the grace we’ve been so graciously given.
God help us. To Love like You.

I’ve gotten it so wrong – I’ll be the first to admit it. He gave me this eye-opening, lie-obliterating revelation halfway through a pretty bad day today. At my end, I thought. So weary & defeated. If you read my post this morning you know the pit I was laying in. Through a friend & mentor clear across the country who reached out & had no idea what I’d been going through. And another layer of scales fell from my eyes.
I’m amazed at how clear He makes things through the words of another. It confirmed & unearthed what I had buried in my spirit already. We are His hands & feet after all. We need each other to lean on. We just do. We need light in the darkness.
I know this. I want love. I want life. As messy as it is, I want it all. Because we are all messy in our own way. And we all need Jesus. And His love, through our finite-human lens, is messy too. But it’s exactly what we need. It’s perfect. And we are not. That’s why we must seek It above all.

God help us to crack back-open the doors we’ve closed in fear – unawares that You put them there to heal us – not to cause more pain. And help us to close the doors for good that we’ve created out of those same fears & terrors gone-by- based on our pasts. So we can’t go back there again. Help us to clearly know the difference in which way to go. Where to move forward & where to let go. Help us to be free.

Yes, we must be smart where we must in those awful situations where our very life depends on it. But in our every-day blunders & human frailty – help us to stop running from each other. Help us in turn to run only to You.

Help us to face ourselves & our awful pain that feels too damn big to ever give to Any-One else to handle – & to stop placing blame. And think that we know best somehow. Heal us Lord.

Thank you for clarity in my glass jar- where I run to – to make sure I’m safe. Thank you for the holes you’ve made in the top today that I so tightly screwed on with all the strength I had. Suffocating myself all in the name of self-preservation. And I couldn’t even see it. Thinking I was living. And breathing in relief. What a joke.
Thank you for helping me down off my own high victim-laden horse – as if my experience is so different. Pain & loss is pain & loss. We are all scared. We all want Love. We are all terrified.
Your kind of Love Lord. The best Love of all.
In Jesus’ name we ask You humbly & afraid,

(Image courtesy of

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