Ramblings On My Great Exchange

“We can hug our hurts and make a shrine out of our sorrows or we can offer them to God as a sacrifice of praise. The choice is ours.” – When I Lay My Isaac Down, Carol Kent

I almost feel like I have no choice inevitably but to do this – to offer them as a sacrifice. I am by no means a martyr, but I have been through a lot. It started in childhood & continues on to this day in varying degrees & circumstances. Just really hard, hard stuff that some people never get touched by.

And in some miraculous way, I haven’t really questioned why it all has has befallen me – it’s just my life. It has made me a strong person which frankly has been both my friend & my foe. Most of all God has shown up strong in my life, fighting for me & alongside me. Saving me from the choices of others & some of my own. I always say it but it’s true – Anything good in me is Him. Period.

I do have pity parties & they normally last a day or two. Rarely do they stretch into a week or more. But they have. I still have to get up & go to work – I can’t shut out my friends & family because they mean too much to me. And life must go on.

I do get how some people give up & just stop living. Depression runs in my family & I think we have all battled it & we all have coped differently. And we have lost or nearly lost family members to it.

I have been on an anti-depressant before & have been through literally years of sound counsel. And I’ve done some of my own medicating. Much of it has helped me along the way. Some of it not so much.

Life is still beautiful to me even when it’s really sh*tty. To be able to hand this grief I am walking through now to God daily is a gift. A bittersweet one, but a gift nonetheless. To be able to weep at His feet while I lay on the carpet & bawl because I feel so helpless is a gift. Because I always, every time – rise from it, feeling either a wee bit or a whole lot better. It is quite literally an exchange for me.

I lay my thing there because I just cannot carry it another millimeter & He takes it & shoulders it for me. And I never feel condemned. That is priceless. Paid at the highest price of all for me. And for you.

God. Is. So. Good.
In spite of us.

Hallelujah –

& Selah.

Much love in exchange for all of our sorrows,

Bonnie

(image courtesy of chelseamaxine-all-in.com)