Catching My Breath In The Darkness

I have been through a lot of trauma in my 44+ years. Since I was a wee-one to the recent past. Of all sorts.

Seeing & experiencing things as a child that no child should – but alas, we do. Because we are all imperfect. And also as an adult- where  the same dratted truth applies.

Because of these things I’ve been through – some that I barely made it out of alive – panic weaved & leached itself into my being.

Most of the time – because I have gotten so much soul-healing & freedom from fear – it lies dormant. (Thank you Lord.) And  sometimes it still rears its ugly head. A favorite time to do so is in that tight-wire place between awake & asleep.

It will hiss some horrible thing that “just may happen” & I wake up with a start – heart pounding away like a tribal drum. I always have to catch my breath & I always thank God it wasn’t real immediately when I realize it. And then I have to pray that point home – because fear always follows the panic-hit from behind. It grips me & starts running around & around my soul with barbed rope, tying it to a tree of lies. The tree that was strategically planted there when I was knee-high.

Thankfully prayer helps every time. In fact, I don’t know where I’d be without it – safe to say I am pretty sure not here anymore. But sometimes its more of a battle in that I might lie there in it awhile – almost like I can’t fight it or I am just too tired to (more strategy). That’s definitely when it takes the longest to get free.

But when I stand up inside immediately & call out, claiming my freedom – it flees. Every single time.

I may never get fully free of it this side of heaven – we all have our thorns. But I know this – I know from whence comes my help – my rescue – my safety. And He has never, ever let me down. Not once.  And no, I won’t stop talking about it.

Much catching our breath in rescue – on the way back to the reality that we really are loved & watched over,


His eye is on the sparrow… Matthew 10:29-31


(Courtesy of

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